Why You Need a Home Away From Home

Third places are inclusive social gathering hubs that engender community—the foundation of a strong local society.

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If you don’t have a third place—a home away from home and from your workplace—you may feel that something’s missing in your life. Having a third place is important to our well-being.

Going to a retreat such as a club or a cafe to relax and be among like-minded people boosts our mental health and happiness. It benefits individuals and society to have a place for people to gather that provides escape, comfort, and sanctuary.

That’s even more true now that many peoples’ second place—their school or office—has moved into their “first place”—their home—according to the trend-tracking company Datassential. According to its latest data, since the COVID-19 pandemic, only 35 percent of people now go into an office or job for 100 percent of their work time.

During the COVID-19 panic, when some governments mandated social distancing in the name of public health, many people became uncomfortable being in groups and grew accustomed to staying away from others. Because of COVID-19 policies, many cafes, restaurants, and pubs, which often serve as third places, switched to takeout only and still operate that way years later. Libraries, churches, and clubs show reduced attendance compared to pre-COVID days.

Bowling Alone

But the trend away from group activities can’t be blamed solely on COVID-19 restrictions. This shift has been underway for decades and was the focus of Robert D. Putnam’s 2000 book, “Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community.” The book documented plummeting membership in parent-teacher associations (PTA), Veterans of Foreign Wars posts, alumni groups, and similar organizations in the United States during the second half of the 20th century. Mr. Putnam warned that such disengagement was harmful to individuals and the country as a whole.

Isolation leads to eroding “social capital,” Mr. Putnam wrote, by which he meant the real-life social connections that engender trust and reciprocity.

“Frequent interaction among a diverse set of people tends to produce a norm of generalized reciprocity,” he wrote. “Civic engagement and social capital entail mutual obligation and responsibility for action.”

He even claimed that joining and participating in one group (whether it’s dedicated to performing “bridging” community service or simply a “bonding” social club) cuts in half one’s odds of dying in the next year.

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services’ Healthy People 2030 report claims that belonging to a group is healthy.

“Membership in formal groups (e.g., Girl Scouts, Kiwanis, Rotary, PTA) or informal groups (e.g., book clubs, bird watching clubs) has been shown to increase social capital and decrease social isolation among members. As a result, these groups may indirectly improve the physical and mental health of their members,” it reports.

Sociologist Ray Oldenburg is credited with coining the term “third place” to describe social gathering places. In his 1989 book, “The Great Good Place, Cafés, Coffee Shops, Bookstores, Bars, Hair Salons, and Other Hangouts at the Heart of a Community,” he called these sorts of places the heart of a community’s social vitality and argued that they help fuel grassroots democracy.

Mr. Oldenburg, who died in 2022, was a professor in the sociology department of the University of West Florida. He advised cities on community development and even hosted friends in his own “third place,” a garage converted into a saloon.

Coming Back Together

In his 2002 book, “Celebrating the Third Place: Inspiring Stories About the ‘Great Good Places’ at the Heart of Our Communities,” Mr. Oldenburg collected accounts of people who benefitted from gathering with others, in hopes of encouraging readers to value third places and keep them vital.

Social gathering will return as social distancing memories fade, according to some observers, but it may not take the same form as in the past.

Some experts believe that traditional clubs (such as 4-H, Optimists, and Lions clubs) may one day fall by the wayside, but people will congregate in other ways and find new places to connect.

“American history carefully examined is a story of ups and downs in civic engagement, not just downs—a story of collapse and renewal,” Mr. Putnam wrote optimistically in “Bowling Alone.” What he called “bridging” (service) groups may never again reach the membership numbers that they had in their heyday (typically the 1950s to the 1980s), but “bonding” (social) venues seem to be on the upswing.

Datassential’s trend trackers observe restaurants now serving as “co-working spaces” during the day and offering social experiences in the evenings, while “massive ‘eatertainment’ venues” for miniature golf and pickleball open around the United States, and “even new builds primarily focused on pickup and delivery are including bean bag games and picnic tables.”

These venues are becoming hugely popular, according to the publication Nation’s Restaurant News.

“As it turns out, two years is far too long for the American consumer to go without consistent access to experiences. Even in a historic inflationary period, consumers are proving how badly they want to get out and socialize and play and eat together,” states a January article by Alicia Kelso, executive editor of Nation’s Restaurant News.

Inspired to Find Your 3rd Place? Find or Start One

Ready to build some of that “social capital” in your community and find a third place? Here are some resources to get you started.

Lions International

This service club is all about building relationships and improving the world through kindness. Lions International is  “1.4 million caring men and women serving together so they can make a lasting impact and change more lives,” notes the group’s website.

Book Clubs

These popular social groups offer avid readers a chance to meet up and have lively discussions with other book lovers. Starting one can be as easy as choosing a place to meet and deciding how to choose books.

Board Game Clubs

Playing board games is an engaging way to have a night of rousing entertainment. Playing together with friends or meeting people at board game clubs is a great way to broaden your social network. You can find clubs in your area or start one yourself.

Kiwanis International

Kiwanis is a network of service clubs focused on helping children in their local communities. “They’re local groups of like-minded volunteers who make a difference. Friends. Neighbors. Anyone who loves serving together to change children’s lives,” the Kiwanis website states.

Birding Clubs and Organizations

The American Birding Association offers an online list of U.S. bird-watching groups by state so that you can find one near you. This is a great way to get outdoors and meet new people.

Rotary International

Rotary clubs are very similar to Lions clubs and bring people together to serve their local communities. “Our global network of 1.4 million neighbors, friends, and leaders volunteer their skills and resources to solve issues and address community needs,” the website of this service club states.

Big Brothers Big Sisters

This club pairs adult volunteers one-on-one with children to provide a mentoring relationship.

Its website states, “As the nation’s largest donor- and volunteer-supported mentoring network, Big Brothers Big Sisters makes meaningful, monitored matches between adult volunteers (‘Bigs’) and children (‘Littles’), ages 5 through young adulthood in communities across the country.”