7 Tips for Civility and Grace Toward Others

A little kindness goes a long way in our interactions with strangers and friends of old.
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One of the downsides of our casual culture is the low emphasis that we place on etiquette and manners.

Don’t get me wrong—casual culture has done a lot of good by allowing people to be more themselves, but social change comes with a cost.

The cost of losing etiquette and manners is bigger than we imagine because it is a societal loss that affects us all.

Manners and etiquette are a social good that add to the collective level of trust. Showing good manners or even a bit of formality is an easy way to demonstrate to strangers that you care for them—a small way that we can make the commons a gentler, more humane place to share.

By dressing nicely, opening doors, and speaking politely, we demonstrate love to our neighbors. Such behaviors acknowledge their status, make them more comfortable, and provide thoughtfulness in a sometimes dog-eat-dog world.

The rise of casualness tracks with the rise of individualism. Fewer and fewer people seem to care about what others think, and more people place their own comfort above others.

If you agree that manners and etiquette are worth reviving for the sake of our communities, join me in these simple practices.

7 Simple Practices of Good Manners

1. Greet Strangers With a Smile and Hello

Since COVID-19, I’ve noticed that more people avoid each other on sidewalks and in stores, skirting the chance of an encounter. People got a taste of being left alone and found it easier than making eye contact. Of course, that’s not a way to meet people or strengthen trust between strangers. You can make a difference by smiling and saying hello first.

2. Write Thank You Notes

This old-fashioned piece of advice is as wise today as ever. Digital communication is fast and easy, and for that reason, it is not seen as being as much of an emotional investment as sending a handwritten note with a stamp. Stand out from the crowd, and leave a positive emotional impression by choosing the less convenient path.

3. Hold Doors Open and Let Others Go First

Changes in gender norms have probably chipped away at the practice of holding open doors, but it doesn’t have to be about whether someone is male or female. Holding the door for someone, no matter who that person is, shows respectful deference and, tangibly, draws them closer to you physically. Maybe you’ll even walk together or strike up a conversation afterward.

4. Give People Your Undivided Attention

We’ve gotten so used to taking phone calls, checking text messages, or scrolling through our feeds that we no longer see it as strange to do in public. Such practices reinforce an individualistic mindset and make others feel less seen and appreciated. We’ve all been on the receiving end of getting “phubbed,” as it has been coined, and left wondering why the person on the phone outranked us. We can do better by putting away our phones and giving people our full attention.

5. Say ‘Excuse Me’ for Minor Inconveniences to Others

You don’t have to be at fault to say “excuse me” or “I’m sorry.” Pride often gets in the way of smoothing over social conflicts with these simple words. If I walk in front of someone at the store, I consider it an act of kindness and grace to ask to be excused. Such gestures tell others that you acknowledge that they have just as much a right to be there as you do.

6. Introduce People

No one likes to be left hanging socially, and the most common way that happens is when someone you’re with begins talking with someone you don’t know. The gracious act is to introduce the two and give them just enough information about each other that further small talk is possible. Every new acquaintance makes the world a more familiar and friendly place.

7. Keep Good Personal Hygiene

Something that I’ve noticed since COVID-19 is that some people’s sense of personal dress and hygiene has taken a hit. With fewer people going into the office for work, culture has moved even further in the direction of casualness, occasionally slipping into sloppiness. Caring for yourself by dressing nicely and caring about your appearance is one small way to improve the common space that we all live in. It reminds us that we should care, in a healthy way, about what others think because we live in close proximity.
Mike Donghia
Author
Mike Donghia and his wife, Mollie, blog at This Evergreen Home where they share their experience with living simply, intentionally, and relationally in this modern world. You can follow along by subscribing to their twice-weekly newsletter.
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