8 Reasons to Make More Small Talk

Small talk can be a big gesture towards new friendships, adventure, and good vibes all around.
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Let’s raise the status of small talk.

It isn’t boring or pointless. Nor do you need to rush through it with the goal of getting to a more “substantial” conversation.

Small talk is a pleasure that needs to serve no greater purpose than it does already, which is to give us an easy way to connect with another human being.

The Beauty of a Shared Vibe

At its most beautiful, small talk is simply recognizing the presence of another human and inviting them into your mental space with warmth and friendliness. It’s a posture of openness and curiosity, an easy exchange between longtime friends or shy strangers.

Small talk can be as simple as making an observation or asking a question, but most of all, it’s an exchanging of “vibes” with another person. When two people connect, their sense of the other person’s interest and openness can lead to smiles, laughter, and a satisfying feeling of connection.

It’s an art form, of course. Some people are naturally gifted, but everyone can get better with practice. And no matter how average you are, there’s always room for refinement in the sincere, good-natured activity of small talk. The benefits are worth noting.

8 Reasons to Enjoy More Small Talk

1. The Pleasure of Human Connection

We were made to be social. Human connection is a basic human need. It’s one of the few things that makes us feel truly safe and valued. Don’t assume this need has to always be met by deep, serious talks—I’ve had many times when my mood was boosted by a light-hearted chat with a stranger in a store or on the sidewalk in my neighborhood.

2. A Measurable Lift in Your Well-Being

A 2021 research review in the Association for Psychological Science journal argued persuasively that well-being isn’t only improved by close friendships (already well-established) but also through loose connections and casual contact with strangers. The authors concluded that we need social contact of all kinds (creatively called Vitamin S) to enjoy good health and happiness.

3. Change the Course of Someone’s Day

In today’s keep-to-yourself society, the bar of social contact is so low that you don’t even need to be particularly suave to make a huge impact on someone’s day. Your compliment or friendly gesture will be so unexpected that it will instantly light up their brain’s reward center with the good feelings of delight and connection.

4. Build Optimism and Trust

If you haven’t noticed, our culture has experienced a drastic drop in public trust. We tend to stick close to the people who are like us and make caricatures of those who are different. Small talk is an effective way to break down these barriers. Simply talking to someone is enough to make you like them more and see that the world isn’t as scary as conflict entrepreneurs would have you believe.

5. Open Doors to New Possibilities

I’ve long been a strong proponent of increasing the amount of serendipity you’re exposed to—or the surface area of unknown positive paths your life could take. Well, small talk is one of the quickest paths to doing just that. Every human relationship is a seed of potential and the more you chat with others, the more possibilities you create. You don’t know what new doors will open from talking with a stranger, but we do know that most opportunities flow to those who are putting themselves out there, connecting with others, and avoiding social complacency.

6. Make a New Friend

Every friendship starts somewhere, with a single seemingly insignificant interaction, and then grows and expands into one of the greatest gifts that life has to offer. By making more small talk, you’re increasing your odds of finding that special person whose personality just clicks with yours and setting yourself up for years of companionship.

7. Eliminate Boredom

The surest path to boredom is to remove all surprises and take away all risk. Do you hate boredom like I do? Then small talk is the adventure you need. When you open your mouth to talk to a stranger, you’re taking a small, but real social risk that could have a surprising and positive outcome—you never know. Say goodbye to boredom and see the world as your small talk training grounds.

8. Encourage Good Vibes Everywhere

Imagine if we all went out of our way to be just a bit more friendly and open. What if we deliver a smile here, a kind remark there, or a joke now and then? Suddenly leaving your home would be a social adventure and a smorgasbord of good memories. Collectively we could raise the quality of vibes around us by making more and better small talk.
Mike Donghia
Author
Mike Donghia and his wife, Mollie, blog at This Evergreen Home where they share their experience with living simply, intentionally, and relationally in this modern world. You can follow along by subscribing to their twice-weekly newsletter.
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