This story is about my healing from mental pain and suffering. I was a victim of my ego, which presented itself as shame, guilt, low self-esteem, lack of self-love and worth, envy, and anger. I wanted to feel more at peace with myself, so I embarked on a self-care journey.
I became familiar with yoga and began practicing positive affirmations, but I was inconsistent. I figured if I just gave myself more time, I’d get better. However, life took a drastic turn after I experienced the loss of my daughter.
In August 2022, I was pregnant with my daughter, Eleanor. I went into preterm labor at 22 weeks, and she died shortly after being born. The doctors said it was a classic case of incompetent cervix, even though I didn’t have any complications with my first pregnancy.
Eleanor blessed me and her father with an hour of her time. We held her, and as she passed, I felt the permanence of death. My world became silent.
In the weeks after Eleanor’s death, things were not so quiet. The heartbreak was overwhelming, but I allowed myself to feel everything. I knew about the stages of grief and that to process it, I must experience it. I was fortunate to have abundant support from my family and friends. I am most grateful for a good friend who gifted me a book titled ”The Power of Now,” by Eckhart Tolle. I believe this book was the catalyst for my healing journey.
My healing is attributed to several factors. I read “The Power of Now” while immersed in nature and disconnected from the outside world. I learned that forgiveness is to accept everything as is, which gives power to the here and now. Forgiveness is to not dwell in the past or worry about the future. This forgiveness felt like the permanence of death—the death of my ego.
Because the ego is complex and attached to our human experience and emotions, I had to approach it holistically by taking care of my mind, body, and soul. Mr. Tolle explains that living in the now or the present moment is the answer to end all suffering. But how do I stay in the present moment during my daily activities and not succumb to my thoughts? The key is to stay grounded.
Grounding practices help me detach from my ego. Some practices that I use daily are deep meditation, journaling, self-reflection, deep breathing, engaging in physical activity, sleep and rest, mindful eating, and hydration. It is not easy work, but it is intentional and done with love.
If we all stay in the present moment, we could release ourselves from our suffering. We would no longer live in the past or be anxious about the future, which leaves more room for forgiveness and space within.
I believe that every act I take to heal myself, in turn, will help to heal others. Healing is loving, and the world always needs more love.
