What comes naturally isn’t always the best way to be. With practice, we can hone the skills of goodness.
One of my core beliefs, derived from my Christian faith, is that what comes naturally or easily to us isn’t always what’s best for us. Many people across time, geography, and belief systems have come to a similar conclusion: Human goodness isn’t automatic—it must be cultivated and grown.
If you’ve had the experience of parenting or watching young children, you’ve seen firsthand that, while full of curiosity and cuteness, they can also be selfish and mean toward each other. When given the choice, they will usually avoid struggle and reach for instant gratification.
As we mature, some of these tendencies lessen. However, such growth typically doesn’t happen without being taught, trained, and encouraged in a positive direction.
Even as an adult, a better version of yourself is achievable with practice and intentional effort. Just because you’ve reached adulthood doesn’t mean you can’t continue to learn and grow.
Tips for a Better Version of You
What we consider good, worthy, and honorable is a product of our morality. However, what I’ll share below is based on a set of values I think many will find desirable. I regularly return to these practices to continually progress toward the best version of myself.1. Challenge Yourself
It seems to be a universal law that growth only happens through struggle and challenge. Only when we’re pushed out of our comfort zones do we see our bodies and minds grow. Unfortunately, our society increasingly values comfort and delivers ease if you have the money to afford it. We must seek opportunities to do difficult things and commit to doing them.2. Practice Hospitality
We naturally focus on ourselves and what we want out of life. That’s why inviting people into your home and caring for their physical and emotional needs is one of the greatest ways to expand selflessness. Practice hospitality regularly by putting dates on the calendar even before you feel ready for it.3. Read Books That Challenge You to Think Deeply
There are more ways to entertain ourselves than ever before—and let’s be honest, they’re more enjoyable than ever. But many of those activities, while pleasurable, are the equivalent of junk food for the mind. The best version of you is one that has engaged with important ideas, wrestled with the thoughts of those who came before you, and opened yourself up to many different perspectives.4. Brighten Someone’s Day
Good intentions aren’t enough. Being a friend is about more than just caring for someone and staying in touch—it should mean that you go out of your way to make their lives better. Once you’re tuned into these opportunities, you’ll see them everywhere— pick up a meal for a busy friend, help them with a project, or offer to watch their kids for the afternoon while they enjoy a break.5. Occasionally Deprive Yourself of Comforts
Market capitalism is both a gift and a danger. It’s brought up more affordable goods than those before us could have ever imagined—something we should all be grateful for. There’s also a danger that lurks in a society filled with constant abundance and endless choice—we risk becoming entitled and ungrateful for all that we have. One easy and powerful way to combat this mindset is to occasionally deprive yourself of these things so that you remember how blessed you are.6. Prioritize a Healthy Body and Mind
As embodied beings, our bodies have an important say in how we feel and what we can do with our lives. If we’re frequently sick or tired, it’s impossible to become all you can be. Only those filled with vitality are able to pursue lofty goals and ambitious projects.7. Combine Radical Honesty With Gentleness
One thing I’ve learned is that certain traits tend to go together. I know people who are strong and honest or conflict-avoidant and empathetic. It’s rare that one person has the traits that make them both strong and gentle. It’s important for us to understand our natural tendencies and to push ourselves in ways that go against those tendencies.8. Use Words to Encourage and Build up Others
One of the highest-level ways to change yourself and benefit those around you is to harness the immense power of your words. I remember in high school realizing that I could ask people questions, no matter who they were and that this could be a way to help others feel welcomed or more comfortable. I learned that my world could be larger and my life richer simply by speaking simple words.
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