Powerful Ideas to Shift Your Self-Belief

These 6 mindset changes can transform how you see yourself and live your life

What if we viewed our failings as inevitable steps on an incremental path of improvement? What if we didn't give up? What would become possible if you started to trust yourself?Dean Drobot/Shutterstock

Having worked closely with many people as they go through transformative journeys, I’ve come to recognize a handful of mindset shifts that make an incredible difference. Those who’ve worked to adopt these mindsets have had remarkable transformations.

I’m going to share them here with you in hopes that they might inspire your own transformation. If you take these on fully, they could be life-changing. This isn’t all there is, but these are an essential foundation.

I Am Enough.

You can notice the opposite of this mindset when you’re afraid you’ll be judged and deemed unworthy of respect or admiration or you are blaming others for making you feel inadequate. You will also find the counter to this idea when you’re overwhelmed and think you can’t do everything.

But what if you were always enough, no matter what you do or don’t do? What if your base assumption were that you are enough regardless of your accomplishments and how others think of you?

I Am Allowed to Feel My Emotions.

Most people don’t want to feel sadness, fear, frustration, anger, or grief. We avoid these emotions because we believe there’s something wrong with them. Most of our lives are actually spent trying to avoid uncomfortable feelings and distracting ourselves from them, if not outright denying them.

What if we just allowed ourselves to feel sad? Or afraid? Or angry? Going through these emotions is not that difficult, if a bit unpleasant. But these emotions can provide important insights into ourselves. They can be places of learning and wisdom and much more, if we are open to the experience. When we look inside to uncover the root of an emotional reaction, we often discover ideas or beliefs we haven’t consciously chosen for ourselves. Some spiritual practices call these “attachments.”

Acknowledging and feeling these emotions allows them to pass, and we don’t have to spend so much energy resisting and suppressing them. We become more relaxed around these emotions when we grant ourselves permission to feel them.

I Love Myself When I Feel Stuff.

When you feel certain emotions, if you’re like most people, you’ll not only resist them, but also make yourself feel bad for feeling them. You may become angry at yourself for feeling angry, or disappointed and sad that you are depressed.

If you simply noticed that you’re feeling the emotion (let’s say frustration or sadness) and gave yourself some love, some breath, and some space, it would be an entirely different experience. You would not make a big deal about having the emotion; you'd simply give yourself some love. It’s a game-changer.

I’m Not Stuck in Right Versus Wrong.

It’s incredible how often we make ourselves wrong: “I shouldn’t have done that,” “I suck for not doing this,” “I should feel ashamed for how I am.” And we do the same thing to other people: “They suck for doing this or not doing that.” We stress out trying to do things right.

What if we got out of the game of right and wrong? What if we accepted that each person has a path we are not privy to and that we ourselves can’t be certain that the mistakes today are not essential steps toward becoming the person we need to be tomorrow?

Of course, there are times when an action is clearly wrong and needs to be recognized as such, but all too often, we apply great mental energy to judging trivial things. What if we played a whole different game, one unconstrained by indiscriminate judgments? It would be free of “shoulds” and shame, and we would be free to play, invent, explore, create, and have a joyful time.

I Trust Myself.

What would life be like if you trusted yourself? Most of us are caught up in worry and anxiety because we don’t trust ourselves. When we fail to make a desired change or continue to fall short in a specific area, we suffer a loss of self trust. But what if we viewed these failings as inevitable steps on an incremental path of improvement? What if we didn’t give up? What would become possible if you started to trust yourself? For one thing, you could take failings more lightly and through that find a life of greater ease and playfulness. This is an incredible way to live.

I Choose My Life.

We often do things because we feel we should or feel we have to. We are under an obligation and acting without choice, we tell ourselves. Ours is a life of victimhood and burden, we seem to believe. Most people don’t even notice when they feel this way because it’s so ingrained. When you shift to a mindset of choosing your life, a powerful reality emerges. You feel a new sense of freedom and energy.

You have a profound ability to change your circumstances. Often, the feeling of being stuck is due to a fear of what may come from making significant change. Sometimes we are even afraid to recognize that we have that power and that our life is a reflection of our choices.

Going Forward

These shifts in mindset can reframe how we view ourselves and our world. So how do you work with these? Sometimes you can do it on your own, but it can also be significantly easier to have someone help you. As a coach, I work with people who find it difficult or impossible to do this work without support. Often, we just can’t see what we can’t see. That said, here are some keys to working with these mindset shifts on your own.

First, notice your current mindset. As often as possible, notice when you’re stuck in an old, opposing mindset and the effect this has on you, your loved ones, and the course of your life. Have grace for yourself, and love, when you notice. Breathe.

Second, practice the new mindset. What if you believed the new mindset was absolutely true? Empower it. Be it.

Third, when you get trapped in the old mindset—you’ll revert to it often—get support, whether from a coach, a therapist, a meditation teacher, or someone else outside of yourself. Our self-talk is often the least forgiving and rational. Find someone who can help you see this and help you bring love to it, help you practice a new set of beliefs about yourself.

And then keep practicing! This takes a lot of practice, a lot of messing up the practice, and a lot of getting yourself back into it. It’s not easy work, but I promise, it’s transformative.