9 Reasons In-Person Friendships Will Always Matter

Meeting online, even through social media, only scratches the surface of the friendship and connection that is possible in real-life.

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Friendship, at least in America, is in retreat. The Survey Center on American Life asked people how many close friends they have, not counting their relatives. The results revealed a significant move from having many friends to having few or no friends. In 1990, 7 percent of people reported having zero to 1 friend—a number that rose to 19 percent by 2021.

Much research, including a 2018 article in the Journal of Population Sciences, demonstrates a strong, positive association between the quality and quantity of our friendships and our satisfaction with our lives. So, why are we neglecting this area?

Virtual Versus Real-Life Friendship

The first and most obvious area of neglect is screen time. A 2022 study indicated that people between the ages of 8 to 25 are averaging somewhere in the ballpark of eight hours a day in front of screens. Clearly, this must be displacing other activities in their lives, including, and especially, spending face-to-face time with their peers.

Much of the time spent on screens, yes, involves engaging with other people through social media. But these interactions have proven to be much shallower than in-person connections. They simply do not compare with the rich, relationship-strengthening power of an in-person interaction.

I want to provide more detail about that point. What is it precisely about an in-person friendship that differs from the kind of relationship one can have virtually? Specifically, what benefits of in-person friendships are essential for human thriving that can’t be replicated online?

1. Memories made with all of our senses will always be more vivid and easily recalled.

Most memories online are forged through sight and sound. But with an in-person interaction, you are more likely to engage your senses of smell, taste, and touch as well. If you’ve ever had a particular smell draw you back to another time in your life, then you know how powerful these senses can be in forming memories.

2. Physical presence, especially during tough times, provides reassurance that someone can comfort you.

When you’re feeling sad or afraid, there are few things more comforting than the warm embrace of a friend and his or her promise to walk with you. Words and images on the screen feel somehow inadequate for those moments.

3. Good vibes and emotional energy are easier to convey in person. 

Imagine trying to attend a virtual party. How could images and sounds from a screen ever compare with the energy and enthusiasm of a roomful of people? People’s personalities, their mannerisms, and their power are more palpable in the flesh than they could ever be when compressed into a two-dimensional experience.

4. In-person relationships demand more and demonstrate a commitment to the relationship.

It’s great to call someone on their birthday or drop a text message to let someone know you’re thinking of them. But showing up in person and delivering those words expresses a deeper level of sincerity. You took time out of your day to show up, and that reveals how much you value the person. Therefore, in-person visits will always carry more weight than a similar message sent virtually.

5. It’s easier to read someone’s emotions and nonverbal responses when you are face to face.

So much about a person’s demeanor and emotional response is conveyed through the entirety of their physical presence, including their expressions, tone of voice, posture, and level of attention. When you’re in a room with someone, these cues come alive in a way that is less obvious in a virtual video call—never mind a text or phone call.

6. Physically being with someone encourages spontaneous interaction that isn’t possible virtually.

The medium of our exchange certainly sets an expectation for how it unfolds. I’ve found, for example, that going down interesting rabbit holes in a conversation is more natural in person than on a phone. In person, you might also decide to stop the conversation and do something together, which often isn’t an option virtually.

7. Physical touch is an irreplaceable aspect of demonstrating affection toward another person.

You might not think of yourself as a touchy-feely person, but you'd see how much you value it if all physical touch was removed from your life. Everything from handshakes, pats on the back, fist bumps, high fives, arms around the shoulder, hugs, and even casual moments when your shoulder brushes against another’s—in many small ways and significant ways, physical touch brings people together and always has.

8. Almost all digital activities can be enhanced by being in the same room.

In-person friendships are great because they can be enhanced by digital technology. You can play video games or watch movies together. However, if your friendship is entirely digital, mainly through phone calls, text messages, and social media posts, then there are many things in the physical world that you cannot do together. For this reason, in-person relationships, while sometimes less convenient, are much richer and more profound.

9. Our sense of trust is deeply tied to seeing people consistently show up and observing them over time.

Trust is built more naturally when in person. Our online conversations don’t tell us everything about a person or adequately convey how we feel about one another. In person, we watch them over time, see how they respond to different situations, and make observations about how they behave. This kind of organic knowledge happens naturally when you’re around each other but is often lacking in more structured, asynchronous virtual communications.

For all these reasons and many more, being together in person will always be more meaningful than meetings on a screen or via text.