When I opened my computer this past week, I was greeted with news that felt like a punch straight to my gut. Instantly, I could feel my brain grow foggy and my heart start pounding in my chest.
A goal I had been working toward for years had been suddenly yanked away. It had been nearly complete—the finish line in sight—and then, unexpectedly, I was back at square one.
For the next 24 hours, I wallowed in self-pity. I complained to my wife, stared at the wall, and scrolled my phone like a zombie.
What Not to Do
Maybe life has dealt you a blow or two as well. Whether it was something you did or something that just happened, it hurts just the same. There’s a temptation to play the victim in these situations, to feel sorry for yourself and wait passively for someone to fix it for you.Maybe you feel like giving up. You can’t deal with this new set of facts, so you don’t. You start acting self-destructively—with your health, your relationships, and your future.
What You Can Do
Here are a few things that worked for me as I pulled myself back to my feet. I offer these tips for anyone dealing with their own setbacks.1. Take Time to React
I’ve seen otherwise thoughtful people try to deny their emotions, as if feeling bad is beneath them. But there’s something beautifully human and likely healing about allowing yourself to feel things deeply.2. Process With Someone
When it comes to thinking through an emotional situation, two heads are better than one—like 100 times better. When I’m anxious about something, I do far more ruminating than actual thinking.3. Take an Outside View
One of the darkest places you can go when you’re down is into anger and bitterness. Avoid blaming the world, God, yourself, or anyone else for what happened. It’s better to accept that these things happen in life and invest your energy into looking toward the future.4. Reframe the Situation
We go through life with a narrative about all the events we experience. You can, for example, see the world as “out to get you” and bemoan your unfair treatment when something bad happens. Or, you can take that same setback and imagine it setting you up for a great comeback. The choice is of your own making.5. Take Care of Your Body
Stomach bugs can hit you hard and fast. Often, you’re better within 12 or 24 hours, but continue to feel weak and tired for days. That is largely because we get dehydrated, don’t eat, avoid sunlight, or don’t move our bodies—all things that are difficult while we’re ill.Recovering from a setback in life is similar in that we often allow the occasion to disrupt our healthy routines. This can mean not feeling like yourself for weeks on end, especially if stress and worry disrupt your sleep.
6. Build Back Slowly
Take baby steps in the new direction you want to take. You may not have a plan or you may still be trying to figure out what went wrong, but almost always, there are some obvious steps you can take. In light of your immense setback, they may feel futile and pathetic at first, but you must trust the process and push aside feelings of self-doubt.Every small bit of progress will change your mood and slowly build back your motivation. You just have to take the first steps.