A great tendency of most people is to rush to judgment and have an opinion on just about everything. You might be too embarrassed to share that opinion or afraid of being judged yourself, but you almost instinctively decide whether a thing is good, bad, or otherwise.
This instinct is usually good. Our intuitions are powerful and allow us to make decisions quickly. But the key to mastering any power is knowing when not to use it.
As a personal example, I judge my emotions pretty harshly. If I’m feeling discouraged or bored, I’m quick to label my emotions as bad and get a little frustrated when I experience them.
I wouldn’t be as unkind to a friend as I often am to myself. If I were talking to a friend, I’d probably say, “It’s OK to feel like that—what matters is what you do next.”
I wouldn’t rush to judgment against my friend’s emotions or try to explain or make sense of them. I would acknowledge their presence and direct the focus to potential actions.
6 Gentle Ways to Approach Emotions
Here are some reasons I think a gentler approach is a better one:1. Lowers Stress Levels
When you label an emotion as bad or intrusive, it immediately becomes an enemy within you. What’s next is a predictable response of fear and helplessness—fear that you can’t control your emotions and helplessness in the face of that reality. Rather than adding to this emotional pileup, simply take notice of your feelings without needing to change them. This will bring a sense of calm familiarity.2. Improves Self-Awareness
It’s hard to think clearly while battling your emotions. I’m hardly self-reflective when I’m anxious about being behind on work. My thinking becomes circular and scattered, and I ruminate aimlessly without a tangible plan. When I allow emotion to pass without getting overly excited, I can better see the contours and shape of what’s happening and grow in self-knowledge.3. Encourages Self-Compassion
Just as a supportive friend listens without critiquing or offering a quick fix, a self-compassionate approach to your emotions is to give them space. By stepping back, you can understand what they might be telling you and why they got stirred up in the first place. Why not extend the same level of kindness to ourselves that we offer to others? One of the benefits is that it allows us to see ourselves as a friend we can trust rather than as a reckless self-saboteur.4. Build Resilience
Rigid physical objects are more likely to break than those that are flexible. This simple law of nature applies to human nature as well. Noticing your emotions without judgment is a flexible, resilient approach to mental health. It allows emotions to come and go without forcing things to happen a certain way.5. Promotes Mental Clarity
Fighting an emotion is like going to battle with yourself—and we’ve all heard about the fog of war. In the fog of war, everything turns to chaos, and it’s hard to know what to do next. This is clearly not a good mental state for getting work done or connecting with those closest to you. On the other hand, identifying your emotions with cool detachment gives your brain space to respond to the root cause intuitively rather than impulsively.6. Supports Taking Action
The most important aspect of noticing your emotions without judgment is encouraging yourself to move your energy from fixing the emotion to moving on with life. Just as you would encourage a friend in a similar emotional state not to wallow but to take baby steps forward, you can do the same for yourself. Ultimately, taking constructive action and not getting frustrated about your emotions is a healthier way to manage them.
Some emotions are destructive and unhelpful. You may be telling yourself stories that aren’t true or distorting reality. If these voices get so loud that you can’t ignore them, the best step is to seek professional help. Getting angry at yourself for feeling a certain way isn’t the answer. Ultimately, all change starts with quieting your anxious thoughts and taking positive action in the direction you want to go.
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