Tyler Todt was faced with some of his biggest temptations when he moved across the country to Las Vegas four years ago.
It would be seven weeks before his wife and daughter would join him in their new home, and he was ruminating about the last time he was in Vegas, when he drank and gambled a lot. Plus the 39-year-old was feeling demoralized about a new banking job, a pay cut, and demotion after his former position as a branch manager.
For weeks leading up to the move, Todt was convinced he would be caving into his addictive nature and jumping back into former habits. Before marriage, he had won more than $1 million as a professional poker player, and he envisioned winning big money again, quitting his job, drinking, and accumulating wealth.
“I almost felt like I wasn’t in control of my life,” he said. “I didn’t like the banking job at all at the time. I wasn’t really created to be a banker.”
Instead of yielding to his fantasies, Todt ended up discovering deep, unshakable joy after implementing daily prayer, 5 a.m. workouts, and a gratitude practice. He got three promotions at his job and revived his relationships with his wife and daughter.
Transtheoretical Model of Change
The Transtheoretical Model of Change (TTM), also known as the stages of change, is a psychological tool that has proven useful for clinicians and coaches to help guide patients and clients through complex health behaviors such as addictions. It holds that there are certain predictors of behavior that can be hung on distinct stages.For instance, the very reason most people don’t achieve New Year’s resolutions or end up back in rehab is simply that they prematurely jumped into action—either because they weren’t ready or they didn’t truly want to change.
“To stay in action is very hard,” said Janice Prochaska, co-author of “Changing to Thrive.” “You need to have social support. You need to get rid of the stimuli that led to the bad habit.”
Her husband, James Prochaska, helped create the stage model of change to determine how he could best direct help to those who crave massive transformation. He was initially intrigued by smokers who were able to quit on their own. He supposed that if there was something to be learned by DIYers, it could be applied in practice by addiction specialists, psychologists, and even health coaches. The subject of countless studies, TTM has been used internationally for more than 25 years.
- Precontemplation—There’s no plan for taking action. Someone in this stage would be unmotivated and perhaps resistant.
- Contemplation—The benefits and costs are relatively the same. The person who’s contemplating will appear ambivalent. Many people spend their lives in chronic contemplation over all sorts of issues, acknowledging their shortcomings but feeling no real value to do anything about them.
- Preparation—A commitment has been made. Someone in this stage is determined and has dabbled with their change, perhaps stopping smoking for a day, or has taken a step such as joining a gym.
- Action—There is a lifestyle change. The person has been applying willpower to make the change and they are fully mentally invested.
- Maintenance—The work being done is to prevent relapse. The person here has been living their new lifestyle for about six months.
- Termination—New habits are fully integrated. Someone in this phase isn’t at risk of backsliding.
Of course, a person can’t just throw some seeds on the ground. Sometimes they need to prepare the soil. Someone who sets a New Year’s resolution to quit smoking but only sets the date might find failure if they don’t first prepare, Janice Prochaska said. That might involve decisions such as establishing a support system, knowing how triggering situations will be handled, picking out replacement behaviors, and deciding whether medications are needed.
“The thing that’s tricky is depending on what stage the person is in, there are different interventions for them to do to get to the next stage,” she said.
Weighing Pros and Cons
An often overlooked technique when it comes to change is an honest assessment of what life will look like if a habit is changed. Envisioning a new future can be motivating, but it sometimes requires an honest look at what someone is forfeiting, too.For instance, someone who gives up alcohol may also need to stop meeting friends at a bar, even if just for a season. While it may seem painful to lose relationships, Prochaska said it’s also an opportunity to be inspired by new people you’ll be supported by in a healthier lifestyle. A support system of encouraging, positive people can help someone view the tradeoff as valuable.
“You want to help them look at how would their life be, how would their life change,” she said.
This was a huge motivator for Todt, who sat in his quiet house with no television or furniture and made one committed decision—in his case, to surrender his life to God. He opened a blank journal and began to envision a different life with massive shifts in his career, health, and marriage.
That vision is central to everything he does and he “reverse engineered” it to set up little systems in his day to reach his goals—even with two more children, 2-year-old boys, in his home. He has now quit his banking job to coach and lead retreats for men who crave change.
“Everybody has the same 24 hours. I won’t allow my clients to ever say, ‘I’m going to try to get to that.’ You either decide right now you’re going to do it or you’re not, because you are in full control of that,” Todt said. “There’s always a way ... everything in life is about choices.”
Often, it takes a major life event such as a heart attack, Prochaska said, to stir people into action. If someone is looking to change but lacks inspiration, she suggested examining life situations or people who might be able to serve as motivation.
Reframing Addiction
Because many people often try multiple times to change their behavior, Prochaska said using the model can help them understand why they failed and give them hope to try again.“Changing to Thrive” was written by Prochaska and her husband specifically to make the model accessible to people who are looking for self-help but aren’t likely to seek psychiatric help.
Many health coaches are also trained on the TTM, but even those employing other methods can add a layer of accountability and support that helps people move through the stages. Todt said hiring a coach also helped him reframe his perspective.
He was surprised when he confessed to being addicted to pornography and his coach responded by saying, “What a gift! Now, all we have to do is get you addicted to the right things.”
That one statement empowered him in making better choices. Todt wrote down what he wanted to get addicted to: learning about Jesus and growing in his faith, being a great father and husband, health and fitness, and multiple streams of income so he would never again have to settle for a job he doesn’t love.
Every month he does a self-audit of all his new addictions, giving himself a grade and deciding what he needs to do to improve.
“Now, I see God gifted me this awesome addictive personality, and I can really use that for good,” Todt said. “We have the power to choose our addictions. Life is a lot the story we choose to tell ourselves.”
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