Dear Dr. Chloe,
I am writing to you today because I am in need of your advice. I have recently been falsely accused of sexual misconduct, and I am not sure what to do.
The accusation against me is completely false. I never had anything to do with the woman who is accusing me—in fact, I actually declined her advances towards me.
I am worried about the impact that this accusation will have on my life. I am a college student, and I am worried about being expelled. I am also worried about my reputation, and I am not sure how I will be able to move on from this.
I am feeling so lost and alone right now. I just want to stay inside and hide all day. I have even thought about quitting my job, because I don’t want to face people who might think I am guilty. I’ve tried to see therapists, but they just re-accuse me and ask if I’m sure I’m really innocent.
I would really appreciate any advice that you can give me. I am feeling very lost and alone right now, and I could use your help.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Josh
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Dear Josh,
I am so sorry for what you have experienced. Unfortunately, your story is increasingly common—a fallout of the #metoo movement is that men are often considered “guilty till proven innocent,”—a perspective that is harmful to all parties involved. It pains me to acknowledge that your experience of therapists accusing you is also increasingly common—at least according to the stories I have heard from countless young men like yourself.
You wrote for advice, not for sympathy—so let me suggest a few ideas:
1. See a lawyer. Depending on the situation, there may be things you can do to help protect your reputation and guard against inappropriate expulsion from school or other harms that arise from false accusations. Try searching online with terms like “attorney + false allegations of sexual misconduct + (your state)” to get started.
4. I would encourage you to resist the temptation to just stay inside and hide—or to quit your job like you mentioned—I don’t know all the details of your situation, so please use your own judgment on this. Sometimes hibernating for a little while to recover and collect yourself is the best thing to do—but don’t let it go on too long because it can start a spiral effect that leads to isolation and helplessness.
Do everything you can to remain active and connected with people who support you—and do things that make you feel empowered—such as having a job and getting your education. Make sure that you are eating well, exercising, and doing everything you can to stay strong both mentally and physically. The more you surrender the normalcy of your daily life, the more you are allowing your accuser to control you.
Thank you for sharing, Josh. Please feel free to keep me updated as your situation progresses. You are not alone. Stay strong and keep your eye on the future!
Sincerely yours,
Dr. Chloe