Stacy Rizzo has a new outlook on life now that she has become a grandmother.
In early 2022, the California woman added three grandsons to her family, ages 11, 7, and 2. She also got an adult daughter, Stephanie Bernardy, in the deal.
The two women met in Surrogate Grandparents—USA, a private Facebook group that fosters online connections across generations. Ms. Bernardy, who lives in the Midwest, was in the group because her parents died when she was a teen, and she didn’t want her boys to miss out on the special love of grandparents.
Ms. Rizzo and her husband, Nick, weren’t able to have children. It was painful watching her childhood friends having babies, but travel and work kept her life full for many years. After the COVID-19 pandemic, Ms. Rizzo had a desire for deeper relationships. When those same friends of hers started having grandchildren, the yearning grew.
“It hit me a second time. I felt like there was always something missing from my life,” Ms. Rizzo, 55, told The Epoch Times.
She has daily contact with Ms. Bernardy and the boys through text, Facetime, letters, and cards.
“I’m definitely in a much better mood,“ Ms. Rizzo said. ”It fills your love bucket, having all this extra love.”
Natural Antidepressant
Forcing oneself out of isolation to spend time with the younger generation can reverse or reduce depression—a common, but not normal, problem among older adults.The study involved 2,468 grandparents older than 50 with grandchildren younger than 15.
Value and Purpose
Kathleen Lyons, a licensed clinical professional counselor, told The Epoch Times that people are hardwired to seek purpose and meaning in their lives. As one moves through different phases of life, it’s also normal to redefine oneself, according to Ms. Lyons, who specializes in trauma and life adjustment.“There’s a biological need for people to have a legacy, to create a legacy,” Ms. Lyons said. “Aging is tremendously difficult. Children keep us young. Grandparenting gives purpose and meaning.”
For one of her clients, grandparenting is her top motivation to keep fighting suicidal ideations and heal.
“She doesn’t want to pass her pain on to this little girl,” Ms. Lyons said. “So much of her fight for mental health is because she doesn’t want to pass along generational trauma.”
A Risk Worth Taking
Ms. Rizzo was able to visit her new family nearly a year ago, and when she did, she “proposed” to Ms. Bernardy, asking her to become her daughter. Her new grandsons call her Nana, and everyone’s lives have been enriched because they took a chance.It didn’t come without challenges, however. Ms. Rizzo said she first met dozens of women online, most of whom she didn’t click with. She also saw that some seemed manipulative and wanted the relationship strictly for financial gain.
With Ms. Bernardy, the relationship came naturally. They were able to easily be vulnerable with one another and determine whether their thoughts, beliefs, and expectations were compatible. It was worth it, Mrs. Rizzo said. Now, her grandsons spontaneously call her, she helps Ms. Bernardy work through tough parental issues, and it has been one of the most rewarding experiences she has had.
“You have to stick with it. It does take time,” Ms. Rizzo said. “It’s up to you to make the effort and keep connecting. You will find out being a grandma makes you feel younger.”