Beyond top schools or expensive after-school programs, a mother’s loving connection might be the most influential investment in a child’s future.
Maternal Affection Boosts Certain Personality Traits
Unlike fixed traits such as IQ, personality traits are relatively malleable, making them an important target for interventions—especially during childhood. Pursuing this, the study was able to identify the effect maternal affection had on children’s personalities.In the study, researchers followed more than 2,000 UK-based twins from birth to adulthood and found that higher maternal affection was linked to higher openness, conscientiousness, and agreeableness at age 18.
These traits are tied to positive life outcomes.
- Neuroticism: Emotional instability or sensitivity to stress
- Extraversion: Sociability, assertiveness, and enthusiasm
- Openness: Curiosity, imagination, and willingness to experience new things
- Agreeableness: Compassion, cooperation, and trust in others
- Conscientiousness: Self-discipline, responsibility, and goal-oriented behavior
However, their study didn’t find a strong connection between how affectionate mothers were and how outgoing or anxious their children were. These traits appear to be shaped more by genetics or other environmental factors.
In contrast, neuroticism is tied to negative life outcomes such as occupational failure and marital dissatisfaction.
The Impact of Maternal Affection
What does affectionate mothering look like in everyday life? According to experts, it’s about consistent expressions of love and positive engagement—such as listening attentively, showing warmth through words and actions, taking genuine interest in a child’s world, and speaking about them with kindness and pride.Different Children, Different Needs
Parenting isn’t a one-size-fits-all endeavor—and as the study shows, parents may respond differently to each child, even between identical twins in the same home.“This often has less to do with favoritism and more with a child’s innate temperament,” Schwartz said.
While affectionate parenting is clearly beneficial, how it is expressed may need to differ based on the child’s temperament, sensitivities, and individual needs.
“In my experience, there is a pretty basic reason that parents treat children differently, even twins ... not because a parent loves one child more than the other, but because usually, one child is ‘easier’ than the other,” Schwartz said. “Easy” children are generally calm and easy to soothe. They also tend to follow routines and readily adjust to changes, including new experiences and environments.
Practical Ways to Increase Maternal Affection
For parents concerned about past interactions, experts offer reassurance: It’s never too late to enhance your affectionate parenting style.“There’s no such thing as a perfect parent,” Adams said. “Everyone messes up something sometimes. ... The point isn’t to get it all right, but to do your best, be open, and keep learning.”
When parents make mistakes, acknowledging them can actually strengthen the parent-child bond. “Repair after difficult experiences actually builds resilience and trust,” Schwartz stated.
- Use positive language: How parents describe their child, even when the child isn’t present, strongly shapes the relationship.
- Model the traits you want your child to embody: Children learn from what they see us live, not what we tell them.
- Adapt to your child’s unique temperament: Tuning into what overwhelms your child, what lights them up, and what they innately need is paramount to helping them thrive.
- Be consistent: Consistent affection and understanding over time contribute significantly to personality development.
- Acknowledge mistakes: No parent is perfect. When you’ve been less kind or more reactive, simply acknowledge it. Doing so allows the relationship to reset and teaches your child it’s OK to make mistakes.
- Start small: Consistent, positive interactions contribute to your child’s personality. Making small, positive shifts is more sustainable than sweeping revisions.
While ambitious parents may focus on prestigious schools and enrichment activities, the simple act of consistent maternal affection might be the most powerful gift they can offer.