Commentary
Money is something everyone wants, seemingly without limit. Just the prospect of getting it while not really earning it can turn good men into beasts.
And therein lies a serious problem. Money as a reward for a job well done is a sign and seal of a good life. Money showered on anyone by accident of personal privilege or access can lead to disaster, personal and social.
But for strange reasons, humans are drawn to disaster. We just keep doing it.
One of the great movies of the 20th century is “The Treasure of the Sierra Madre” from 1948 starring Humphrey Bogart. Two burned out and impoverished Americans living in Mexico join a grizzled old gold prospector on a hunt. The main action is psychological: what the discovery of gold does to their minds, their trust, their morality, and their lives.
The viewer gets a front row seat to how normal people can truly lose all sense of proportion and moral clarity when faced with the prospect of unlimited wealth. Once trust in each other is gone, everything including sleep is vanquished.
Ask any truly wealthy person you know. They will tell you that they learn to suspect every bit of flattery, every new friendship, every kind word. It is very often true that others are only after their money. The hangers on don’t want to work for it. They want to scheme for it. The prospect of something for not much effort makes people crazy.
The topic comes to mind as news reports say that Mick Jagger has no intention of passing on his half-billion fortune from his catalog to his kids. Why not? Surely every parent wants to bring comfort, wealth, and security to the kids. Why would a parent deny them that?
The reason is clear to every wise person: infinite financial privilege and access does not build good character. Ultimately, people do not obtain happiness by living well without having earned it through the sweat of one’s own brow. We need to experience the relationship between work and reward. This is what affirms us as thinking, creative, and productive human beings.
Take that away, replace it with infinite financial reward, and what becomes of us? We become spoiled, entitled, slothful, and unempathetic. We see ourselves as above others, and end up treating others badly. Our very morality and humanity come to be diminished. And it does not yield a happy life either. The caricature of trust-fund babies is true. They rarely amount to much because they don’t have to. They very quickly take their cushy lives for granted and coast until the bitter end.
This is a huge problem for every parent, even those of modest middle-class means. From the time they are infants, parents want to provide: shelter, food, health, safety, happiness, experiences. This is the job of parents and they do it well. They make every sacrifice to make sure their children do not suffer but rather enjoy a better life than they did growing up.
But at some indiscernible point in the child’s life, the parents must withdraw and let the child find their own path to happiness. Very often, the kid does not want this.
Still, the comprehensive support cushion has to be taken away. All children at some point must be kicked out of the nest, even if that means a hard landing on the ground, before they have really learned to fly.
For parents, this can be the single hardest moment of their lives. You are in a position to continue to provide comfort and security, and yet you know that this is not what is best for the child. What is best to withdraw that support, knowing full well that there will be a transition period in which the young adult will experience failure and even privation.
Knowing how to navigate this period in life takes incredible discernment, wisdom, and long-term thinking. It is always easier to continue the material provision forever and spare the young adult the terrors of the world. But that choice does not build character. We’ve all known parents who could not manage this well and they end up with 30-somethings living in the basement apartment and scamming the disability office.