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 | | What Kipling’s Poem ‘If’ Can Teach Boys About Manhood | Raising boys to be men is one of the great challenges of our time. Traditional notions of masculinity have been seriously obscured in recent decades, giving rise to a false dilemma of either toxic masculinity or mere effeminacy. Neither one, of course, is true masculinity. And directing boys toward these false solutions hurts both them and society.
How do we recover a proper understanding of masculinity and manhood, one that avoids both of the extremes described above? One place to look is in classic literature.
The late 19th- and early 20th-century poet Rudyard Kipling provided us with a snapshot of traditional ideals of manhood in his celebrated poem “If.” The poem was inspired in part by a friend of Kipling’s, Leander Starr Jameson, and his unsuccessful military action in South Africa.
The poem is addressed to an unnamed boy or son and lists a series of conditions for becoming a man. The basic structure is, “If you can do all these things, you will be a man.” Here are some of the lessons contained in the poem that can help us recover authentic masculinity.
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
Here, Kipling reminds young men of the necessity of maintaining a quiet confidence in their own values, capabilities, and ideas—even when others are challenging them. Manhood requires a sense of identity rooted in what you stand for and what you know you are capable of accomplishing. A masculine man has principles and knows he is able to live up to them. This gives him a steadiness of character even in the most chaotic of situations.
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